by Dr. Judyth Reichenberg-Ullman and Dr. Robert Ullman
A Tragic, Unexpected Loss
Barbara, a 35-year-old interior decorator, had been taking Zoloft for two years. Four years before we met her, Barbara’s two-year-old daughter, Chelsea, fell into their swimming pool and drowned. Without the help of Zoloft, Barbara was plagued with fear that her six-year-old son, Ben, or another child in her care, might be also hurt. Before her daughter died, Barbara had loved to entertain and had been a marvelous cook. After Chelsea’s tragic death, Barbara began to worry if her food were unsafe and, as a precaution, threw out any leftovers. Her concern became so exaggerated that she needed to go shopping for groceries daily. She found it simpler for her family to eat most of their dinners at restaurants.
Life was no longer worth living for Barbara. Despite being a devout Episcopalian, she wished her life would end. There had been a gate around their swimming pool, but the padlock had inadvertently been left unlocked. Barbara blamed herself relentlessly for her precious daughter’s death. Zoloft had reduced her despair and suicidal feelings, but she eventually discontinued it because it made her feel anxious.
A Previous Pattern of Guilt
This was the second time Barbara had felt a tremendous burden of guilt. The first was after an abortion in her late teens. There was no one she could tell at the time, not her parents, nor even her boyfriend. She felt she had made the decision against her own beliefs and that she would have to answer for it later. The guilt had continued to torment her for years. Following the tragic death of her daughter, the memory of the abortion resurfaced. Barbara told us that she felt as if she, too, had died the moment her daughter fell into the pool.
When asked if there were any other time earlier in her life that she had felt guilt or shame, Barbara recounted that at the age of six an uncle molested her twice and swore her to secrecy. This led to a recurrent series of bladder infections and, since it happened while she was in bed, to insomnia. Even as an adult, Barbara still worried about someone coming into her room at night.
“There’s nothing worse than losing a child,” Barbara lamented. “Especially a little girl who is so wanted and was the light of our lives. To live with the guilt of being parents and not keeping your child safe… it’s hard to face people. I give things away to make up for my mistake. I’ve gotten our family into a lot of debt.”
Barbara shared more about her obsessive tendencies. “I was washing my hands excessively because I felt terrified of germs and AIDS. I just couldn’t get my hands clean enough. I’ve been this way since I was six.” This was reminiscent of how she felt following the sexual abuse. “I felt dirty. Like slime. I didn’t understand why it happened to me.” My report cards always mentioned that I had a constant obsession about going to the bathroom, even three times during an hour. I’m still like that.” Two years of psychotherapy had been supportive but had not fundamentally shifted Barbara’s state of mind.
Obsessive-Compulsive Tendencies
Our son Ben also felt guilty about Chelsea’s death. He was two at the time. “My husband and I felt so unworthy about living after the accident, yet we knew that we had to provide a stable atmosphere for Ben even though our whole world had blown apart. That first year after it happened I felt like I was in a fog. I didn’t feel like I was here at all. I was terrified that we would be found negligent and that someone would take Ben from us.
During that time I was terrified of AIDS. Any sneeze or cough scared me to death. None of our friends understood what we went through. I felt that I couldn’t trust them. But my husband always came through for me. After Chelsea died, he told me I was a wonderful mom and that he wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to be the mother of our kids.”
Barbara was afraid of being alone and of something happening to her husband. She dreamt of being attacked. Her dreams had become more vivid and strange while she was taking Prozac. Zoloft caused her to have disturbing dreams about unhappy relationships and breakups. Without the Zoloft, Barbara could not fall asleep until 2 A.M.
Acne rosacea and alopecia (falling hair) were Barbara’s physical complaints. She loved starchy food and had a compulsive addiction to caramels. She disliked seafood.
Dramatic Improvement With Homeopathy
We prescribed Kali bromatum (potassium bromate). This is an important homeopathic medicine for family-oriented people, often with a rather strict upbringing. Guilt and shame, often about some terribly wrong they believe they have done, torment them. They feel so badly about their actions that they believe they will receive punishment from God. They may carry a tremendous burden throughout their lives.
Three weeks later, Barbara felt so good that, with the consent of her psychiatrist, she stopped taking her Zoloft. “We just went through a very hard anniversary. My depression and suicidal tendencies have been very much in check. I feel really encouraged. The obsessive-compulsive disorder is under control. I’m doing surprising well with the guilt. I’m not feeling burdened by it anymore. I miss Chelsea dreadfully, but I don’t feel dragged down. I can finally talk about the accident. I haven’t had those feelings of not wanting to be here.
We received a phone call from Barbara ten days later telling us how much easier it was to express her emotions. She was crying more and feeling very good about it. Her friends were beginning to tell her how worried they were about her because she seemed to keep her pain deep inside.
Barbara needed four high doses of the potassium bromate over the year and a half we treated her, in addition to taking lower doses when she felt it was necessary. She did not need to resume taking Zoloft.
We have found OCD and grief to resolve beautifully with other patients as well.
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